Mikan
by Sins of Paradise
Summary: Mikan left in order to protect her friends but went through horrifying events as the consequence. Now she's back, but different in all aspects. She suffers in silence, caged in like a bird with broken wings.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Gakuen Alice

**Natsume POV**

I walked to the cherry-blossom tree, my place to relax and where I met Polka dots. As I got closer, I could hear soft sobbing. She came into view and I could not stop myself from speeding up, and kneeling in front of her to hug her, strong yet softly too afraid to break her. Not a second afterward did she push me back and I caught a glimpse of her face, it was full of pain, regret, unbearable sadness. I took ahold of her teary face and asked her what was making her so miserable, but she ignored him and stood up. She turned her back to me, hiding her face and her eyes.

''Natsume…." She said. You could hear her heart break slowly. "I….I'm truly…sorry. Please, forgive…." I was nervous; I have never known how to deal with the tears of a female, worse when it was Mikan's.

''For what…..Polka?" I replied, trying to hide my worry. Then out of the blue she turned and she kissed me. I was in shock…. I would never in a million years had I imagined her to initiate intimacy, but I quickly recovered myself fast enough to notice that the kiss was taking something from me, I ignored it and kissed her back., we broke the kiss for air. We kissed once more and it worried me because it felt like a goodbye kiss. I opened my eyes and noticed that she had not stopped crying, for some reason it annoyed the hell out of me. She's supposed to enjoy kissing me; I should be able to take her unhappiness away.

''Please, Mikan, tell me what's going on. What happened to make you cry?'' I asked this time not bothering to hide my worry.

''Natsume… you have to know that… I…. love you today and forever and ever and ever no matter what, but please understand….. you deserve…. more than this girl '' she said pointing to herself. A sad smile graced her tear-stained face.

''Don't give me that bullshit….. I love you and you know I will only lo-'' she put a finger on my lips and smiled a beautiful painful smile. Her hair was down and blowing softly with the wind. I carved that image into my mind. I never want to let her go; I want to protect her from all the evil in this world. I want to hold her and put an end to all her fears.

''Natsume….. I won't be seeing you again, but I will always love you, but I want you to, no you have to move on! Okay? You'll no longer have to concern yourself with missions.''

It sounded more like a statement then a question to me. Then I realized that she said she wouldn't be seeing me again

"What the hell…..do you mean!?" I yelled. I cannot accept this! I can't control my angry.

I fell in love with her, her smiles, her laugh, her innocence, even her stupidity! Why the hell is she saying that I won't be seeing her again! Is she going to leave?… No, I won't allow her to leave!

"I won't let you go! You're mine!" I feel the tears gathering in my eyes, but I won't let them fall because I was going to let her leave. As I moved to grab her, to hold her, to prove that she wouldn't leave, she smiled and waved. I closed my arms around her, only to fall onto my knees weak and alone…..tears making their way down my face.

"Mikan!" I didn't bother to stop my flowing tears. I felt all hundred blades pierce my heart, mercilessly. Something inside me knew that her words were true. It hurt I've lost too many people and when I start to have my happiness it all just escapes between my fingers.

-Time Skip

I was sent on a mission, simply and normal. It helped relieve some stress. It's been two full days since Mikan said goodbye, and I can't seem to stop looking for her. Everywhere, the forest is the most common place I end or the cherry-blossom tree.

After the mission Persona told me that it was my 'last one'.

Flash back-

"You'll no longer have to concern yourself with missions.'' That was what Mikan had told me. I immediately asked him about Mikan, but he only said

"She not coming back any time soon" and disappeared. Then I noticed that I hadn't cough or felt pain from overuse since….. Mikan left me.

-Next day

I woke up in cold sweat, something common nowadays. I took a shower to clean myself off. As I open my door I see Imai, Ruka, Koko, Nonoko, Anna, Kitsu, Sumire, and Yuu.

''Hyuuga!'' Imai shoved me into my room and sat me on a chair put some kind of needle-thing in my arm and did god knows what, then moved to do something in her computer.

''Stupid Hyuuga, Mikan has disappeared and you do nothing? The ESP said we should forget about Mikan. And we might never see her again, even if she doesn't dies. Then he muttered something about how she helped you but made things worse for her. So, I came here to see any physical changes, and your Alice type has been removed. Meaning Mikan might have traded her Alice type with yours!'' She was showing emotion…. But I understood that Mikan might die because of me…

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	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Gakuen Alice

Natsume POV

We have searched for her, for two whole months. We didn't find her it was as if she had never been in our lives to begin with. The only thing that of reminded me of her was the hole I felt in my chest, the emptiness I felt. Even Imai's pictures and videos of Mikan were gone. She was right I never saw Persona again nor did I feel pain, after I used my Alice, but that didn't mean that my heartache got any better.

_4 years later_

_''__Hello, my dear students''_said Narumi that dressed in more common men clothes since Mikan vanished. He had followed us, as our homeroom teacher since we were 12 years old. He also looks older, maybe because he's not a cheerful as before. Although at the age of 16 no one in the class looks the same.

_''__Today we have a return student; she used to be a part of our class. I'm sure none of you guys have forgotten about her. ''_

Can it be that Mikan has returned...? I don't want to get my hopes up but who else could be returning?

_''Please enter the room and introduce yourself; your full name, Alice and your star ranking''_

She... she was here I wanted to go up touch to feel her skin and reassure myself that she was real. I wanted to pinch myself and make sure I wasn't dreaming. I toke in her figure her hair was down, it reached up to her mid-back, still the same color and curly, she looked like a D size, which surprised me because I never believe she would get bigger than a B. She had all the right curves in the right places, her eyes were beautiful, bright yet they had something different from before. She wore the uniform lose, she didn't wear the blazer or her tie, her white shirt was opened at the top revealing more than I was comfortable with. Her smile wasn't there.

Normal POV

Everyone look at Mikan with wide eyes. Some were gaping at her,

"I'm Mikan Yukihara, I have countless Alice's and I rank 6th star.'' she said as if she didn't care that she was back, like she found them annoying.

"You guys get a free period._..''_Narumi said while he stared at Mikan with a mixture of fondness, relief and confusion. He left it that knowing that Natsume and his friends would help her come back, or at least he hoped.

''Mikan…'' Hotaru spoke first since Natsume was a shocked that Mikan had lifeless eyes and was much like a doll that could only cause displeasure.

_'' __Imai-san_ do not concern yourself with me and I would appreciate it if you would not address me with so much familiarity. I hope I have an understanding with everyone, you don't meddle in my life and I won't meddle in yours.'' This shocked everyone. Hotaru stood up and with a shaky voice asked

''What happen to you Mikan...?'' she muttered, although she was sure Mikan heard her

"Nothing of your concern, Imai-san. Next time you address me as Mikan. I will unfortunately be force to apply unpleasant measure to get my point across." She responded with all seriousness. She then turned around and walk out of the door before anyone else could take regrettable actions.

'I'm truly sorry everyone but this is for everyone's own good.' Thought Mikan as she made her way back to her room that was located far from everyone, the 6th star student room was a dream house. Unfortunately, to Mikan it was only an empty house, no knew where it was, only herself, Persona, and the ESP. Although she was the only one allowed to go inside the house, not even the ESP could.

Back in the class room

'I'm truly sorry everyone but this is for everyone's own good.' Said Koko out loud, surprising some people who were still processing what had just happened with Mikan.

''That's what she thought when she walked out the room'' he answered the unvoiced questions. Then Natsume ran out the room, not bothering to look back or think about where Mikan could have gone off to.

''He doesn't want anyone to follow." Said Koko, he then sat down and the class sat in awkward silence.

As Natsume continued to run to who knows where he bumped into Persona.

'' Long time no see black cat.''

''What do you want." Answered Natsume while he glared

''I'm doing you a favor and this is how you answer me?'' Said Persona with some mischievousness. "I just came to tell you to help Mikan. She's broken far worse than anyone I have ever seen. You don't know what she's been through, she's going on another mission in one more hour so don't waste your time looking for her today.'' With that said Persona disappeared.

'For Persona to take pity, what did they do to her.' Though Natsume

"Hn" signed Natsume as he walked to their Sakura tree and when he said their Sakura tree he meant Mikan's and his tree.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Gakuen Alice

Normal POV

'I know that I hurt everyone, but it better this way' thought Mikan as she unconsciously made her way to the Sakura tree. She was a couple of meters away from the tree when Persona appeared in front of her. She stopped slow unsurprised at his appearance.

''White cat, you have a mission.'' He said in a low voice '' I made a quick visit to the ESP's office and the Black cat shall accompany you.'' She opened her mouth to argue but was shut down.

"You must remember you have the forth Alice type while the Black cat does not this can also be consider a test to see you can keep in control, Mikan. You should make the most of it and try not to over work yourself."

"Is that the reason you asked for him to come along? So that I won't over work myself? You can be such a fool. Remember shattered glass can cut you." She said as she bypassed him, and continued to walk towards the Sakura tree.

'_I know this is harsh, but I can't watch you suffer and die alone you have helped me too much_' thought Persona 'The irony, I'm he'll be able to return you some light.'

Natsume sat alone on a top branch of the Sakura tree, anyone who passes won't be able to notice him and if them did, they would think of him being asleep. In truth, he was doing the opposite; thinking on overdrive was what he was truly doing.

'Mikan Yukihara…..what's happened? You're so closed off…' His thoughts continued to torture him.

'' You want to know, well good luck finding out. You I assume are known as the Black cat. You have been assigned as my partner and will join me on my missions. You start today.

Natsume POV

'More missions?'

She turned a bit and glared at the tree.

''Ikuto I know you're there so get out, you can now meet the famous Black cat ''

'It been long since I've been call the Black cat but to hear it come out of her lips, hurt I wanted her to call me Natsume, to blush, to trip, to be herself.'

''You should know I can hear your thoughts.'' She said in a bored tone. I felt a blush coming so I dropped my head a little but enough for my bangs to cover it. Although, I was too late because she rose an eyebrow and I caught a hint of a smirk. Then I saw a tall dark figure appear from behind the trees.

''This is Natsume, the Black cat? Funny, should I put you to rest?'' Then Mikan at the speed of light grabbed his wrist, twisted it, and he was on the ground with a groan of pain escaping him.

She glare and it unwillingly send shivers down my spine, even though it wasn't directed at me.

''You lay a single finger at him and I swear in the name of my mother, I will kill you.''

''Sorry Kitty, I didn't know you still loved him.'' He said in a teasing tone that would've made me glare had I not been shocked.

'She still loves me? Is that why she protected me? Wait, that sounds wrong I should be the to protect her'

'' I need him alive for the missions." She said then she lean down so her lips were next to he's ears. "And what's wrong, with me still being in love with him? '' She had talked so low I wasn't able to hear her.

'' Ikuto, you should return to the AAO or I will be forced to kill you for being on enemy territory.''

"Che." He glared at me and then disappeared.

I couldn't hold myself back I grabbed Mikan's hand, turned her around and kissed her hard with all passion that had been pent up over the last years and to my surprise she kissed back.

Mikan's POV

I saw him reaching for my hand, but for some reason I didn't react to it. He grabbed it and kissed me, I don't know what me but I kissed him back. His kisses were always addictive, his touch call me and I knew I had to let go but I didn't want to, it would hurt him and me. We broke apart for air and I tried to hide me smile, but failed miserable.

''We have to go and complete the mission'' I finally said when I was sure I could trust my voice.

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	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Gakuen Alice

Chapter 3 The mission

Normal POV

They were running deeper into the Northern forest. They both stopped at the same time and looked up calmly. Persona appeared and smirked at them.

''Nice to see you again '' He said

''I can't said the same'' whispered Natsume

"Let's get this mission over with" said Mikan with a serious face, as if she hadn't been kissed.

"Your mission is not to easy, but it shouldn't be too hard for you. '' He paused for one second and telepathically told Mikan 'Your mission is to get the ESP to trust you more. That is why you are going to use Natsume. You must do what you can even if it means that he as to hate you.'

She no hurt slightly knowing that Persona had caught it. On the inside she felt hurt or maybe just disappoint she had missed Natsume too much. But she had made up her mind, her life mission was to protect those she loved and she wasn't going to fail them down now. Even if they all turned their backs on her, she would be strong, even if Natsume who loved her came to hate.

''-you have to eliminate all the guards, animals, scientists, and anything or anyone who can breathe a word, leave none alive.'' He said with a harsh voice, but a sad face that when unnoticed by the two, because of the mask he always wears. After Persona told them they had the rest of the day to finish the mission he disappeared living the Cats in silence, Mikan started to move forward but stopped when Natsume opened his lips. She quickly turned and interrupted him

''That kiss we share, meant nothing to me so don't go getting any funny ideas."

''Really? Then why did you kiss back? Not only did you respond, you enjoyed it'' He said not wanting to think that she really didn't care.

''That's a normal reaction I have with_every guy_ I've kissed and trust me I have kissed a lot of guys. And are you sure you know how to kiss?'' She lied

''Don't lie Mikan I know that you're trying to protect us, but you can't make us hate you.''

''I'm not playing, do you really think I meant that? Don't make me laugh, please, I'm not the Mikan you use to know. I let Koko get into my head and hear that thought so you would run outside and I could tell you that you are doing missions again,'' She said using the same voice she had use with that Ikuto guy.

'No I wouldn't fall for it she's acting, she has to be.'

''I'm not acting,'' she said and then kissed him full on the lips. He immediately respond closing his eyes and holding her waist, she reliantly broke free and acted like she wasn't affected. "You... should have... seen… your...face'' she said between laughs. She stood up straight and looked at him calmly.

''Let's go'' She grabbed he's hand and teleported in front of the science AAO division and said in a low voice '' Check this, it's my personal favorite.'' she said with a fake smile that Natsume almost missed. She jumped down from the tree they were on and shouted

''Hey, everyone! I'm here to eliminate everyone.'' Then all of the guards at front was around her.

'She's going to get herself kill.' Though Natsume worriedly

'No, I'm not just watch.'

'How you get into my thoughts.'

Idiotic fool, I have almost every Alice in the world, I even have yours. I toke it when you kissed me.

Her hand touched the ground and suddenly the floor turn into ice and not a second later every guard turns into ice too. She raises her hand and snaps her fingers and they shatter. Natsume has a shocked face that was priceless. Mikan starts laughing.

'Mikan wouldn't hurt a fly, less kill people.'

''Get used to it.'' She said without looking back, she continued to walk forward into the building.

Mikan pulled out a sword, without making a sound she effortlessly cuts the first ten guy's head off, she mumbles ''weaklings'' Natsume's sharp hearing caught it.

She felt hurt, sad; nasty for being able to laugh at the people she killed, but after this Natsume would hate her.

*_Back with Persona before the mission*_

Persona was able to make Natsume work with Mikan. Now, Mikan just had to fall in love confide in other people and break free off the ESP.

*_Persona, to the ESP office immediately,_ _repeats Persona to the ESP office_*

'Now what' He walked to the ESP office, with a serious face

''You said I could test her trust with Natsume. Just know if she fails me you'll have to kill her or her friends, understood? Yes? Good. Get out.''

That's all for now please read and review


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Gakuen Alice

'Mikan, I never imagined she could be like this. It's kind of frightening. She was so pure….no I've also killed and harmed many I have no right to judge her. I love her, and we all use masks. I have the gut feeling she still loves me and I'm going to prove it.'

"Black cat? You should stop overthinking everything. I do this and even if at first I would cry, now I've learn to enjoy it, you should too." She stretched out her arm to him. "Take it we're going back."

'I need to get away before it happens.'

"Hurry up. I don't want to waste time." She glare, if looks could kill Natsume was sure he wouldn't survive. He walked up to her acting like he didn't care about her glare. He missed the old Mikan but he understood her and was glad he now had a chance at helping her. He had a chance to hold her and even to kiss her; he wouldn't let that chance go. No matter how cold she tried to act or how brutal she acted he would overcome it and make sure that even if he couldn't get the old Mikan back he would bring a happier one. Her smile flashed in his head, he was going to work for that smile and won't let anyone get in his way, not even Mikan herself.

Mikan's POV

As soon as we teleported back I quickly let go of his hand making my way to my room. I don't want him to have the wrong impression, his not the hero or my knight. It's my turn to protect them, I won't fail the ESP, I hate him but if I make a wrong move now all my hard work will be for not. For now I need to get away from Natsume. I can feel the pain gathering in my chest, it's getting harder to breath, and if I don't leave soon it'll cause more trouble.

"Wait!" He shouted as he attempted to grab my arm. I wouldn't let him this time, I side stepped and disappeared.

I reappeared in my room; I couldn't hold it in anymore. I fell to the ground coughing violently. I felt the warmth of the blood wiggle in between my fingers, the burning continued as I started to see black spots. I don't know how long I stayed on the floor. The blood had dried and I was panting heavily by the time I sat up to take a long shower. 

With Natsume

'She disappeared, just like that day except this time I knew I would get to see her again.' The thought made his muscles relax. As he made his way to his room he stopped, Mikan's face appeared in his head and she was in pain.

'Was she in pain? Did she get injured? I should find her a make sure' He glared while in thought, but decided it was best to wait till tomorrow, for he didn't know where she lived and nobody else apart from the ESP and maybe Persona knew, and he wasn't about to go asking. He got to his room and immediately headed to his shower.

Time skip- One week later

'Damn it, she doesn't let me talk to her! I have no idea what to do in order for her to give me a chance. I need to think of something...this is so like myself...I should first understand what she went through but she won't talk me long enough for me to ask her about it. What she even answer. I can't get her out of my head. Dammit.' He thought as he stared out the window during class.

"Natsume Could you answer this question, please. If you were paying attention you should have no problem and if you can't solve it it'll be detention for two weeks."

Reluctantly, Natsume got up of the seat grabbed the marker out of his teachers hands and quickly solve the problem, once he was done he glared at the teacher and returned to his seat. He put his head down and took a nap but not before taking the glance at the Mikan to see if she had reacted, disappointedly she had no reaction.

Time skip three days later 

"You are required to meet at three sharp, for a mission briefing. To M&N" Natsume showed the letter to Mikan. Who nodded and walk away casually, but to Natsume it seemed a bit too high paced for her.

Briefing.

"The mission is nothing new to you, you are required to assassinate Tsukiyumi and his wife, and any witnesses shall be eliminated as well. This mission isn't too long but we are unable to provide transportation, because it is located in the middle of a forest. You shall go there and come back in three days' time. Go pack, leader of this mission is The White Cat. That is all dismissed." Said Persona as he shooed them away.

'Time alone with Mikan, this should be nice.'

"You have 10 minutes to pack, meet at the edge of the northern forest." Then she disappeared.

What is going to happen on the mission? I wonder.

Next chapter.

"What….how could you! You…you've turned into a monster!"

"Mikan!"

"You can't change anything any more."


End file.
